The Healing Rebel Substack is a non-fiction exploration of healing from trauma, using free-verse poetry and essays. My writing here comes with a trigger warning. Most of the posts are under a paywall, which gives me more freedom to speak my truth. The Healing Rebel is a practice space for finding my voice, and anyone who wants to come along for the ride needs to be vested and feel safe.

I’ve done everything in my life while suffering from CPTSD. The trauma started before I was five years old, continued throughout my life, and left me with borderline personality disorder. It has been a rollercoaster, which I’ve tried to jump from many times. But here I am, recovering from a mental illness that has a terrible label and little understanding. Thankfully, I’ve been blessed in the past few years and have found a therapist who understands and is helping me get there. Still, I sometimes shut down from unknown triggers. So, I might disappear for a bit to reset.

This is a record of my life and imagination.

At 5, I already knew I was different. Too loud. Too mouthy. Drawing became my secret weapon.

At 13, my family moved from the urban sprawl of 1970s Los Angeles (Bell, California), to a small town in Arkansas. The experience inspired my fiction series, The Truth About Sadie Wilkins.

At 17, I joined the Marines, then quit boot camp before I graduated. Forty years later, came a short memoir about the experience. The story won first place in a contest titled Confession Corner. After that, I was hooked and wanted to write about all the weird and wonderful, sometimes horrific, things I’ve experienced and imagined.

At 18, I married my first husband who was in the Air Force.

At 21, I divorced and moved back to California.

At 23, I found out I was pregnant with my first child.

At 24, six months pregnant, I married my second husband.

At 28, I gave birth to my second child. My doctor commented that I was a baby-making machine. I fixed that, even though he tried to convince me I shouldn’t get a tubal ligation. I have never once regretted that decision.

At 35, I started a small art company called art pARTies Seattle. It was a magical time, painting with my peers to live music in various venues throughout the city. Our last show was in Chelan, Washington, and our hosts treated us like rock stars.

I plan to revisit those days and catalog our crew on my For Art’s Sake Substack.

At 47, I returned to college.

At 48, I worked in a college theater as a stage manager and set painter. It was one of the most exciting times. The only problem is that theater life opened a floodgate of emotions and memories, ready or not, needing processing. But I pushed on.

My hair began to fall out in 2012 and continued to fall out and regrow until 2019, when I went completely bald. After many tests and no physical explainations, the diagnosis is Alopecia Universalis. It changed my life.

At 50, I attended film school and wrote, directed, and produced a short film, The Ghostlight, under the pen name Helen Wheels.

I’ve since rewritten it as a two-part short story, A Haunting at Vanity Theater. The video version is more about creating practical effects. I wasn't a writer. Story development didn’t occur to me until I took a screenwriting class and everything clicked, even though I’m still not satisfied with the story arc. Sometimes ya have to call it done. Still, bits of the Ghostlight show up in my other stories.

At 53, I received a BA in digital communications.

At 55, I quit office work (before they quit me) and began freelance content writing and ghostwriting.

At 56, I achieved a dream and moved from Seattle to a small town on the Washington coast.

At 58, I received an MA in creative writing. (During the pandemic).

At 60, I started my first Substack, Feed Your Head, where I wrote fiction and essays about writing and writers.

At 61, I’m divorced and have taken back my birth name.

Life dealt me a losing hand. Miraculously, I’m making a comeback and I intend to be loud about it.

Rebuilding

Making things is how I stay connected and hopeful. Painting, poetry, and storytelling are a lifeline. Much like the inside of my noisy brain, I post erratically in some areas and am more predictable in others. I’m using the Sharon Stories and Ghost Stories Substacks as experimental first-draft publications. You’ll find ghost stories, magical realism, and tech dystopias to explore, with themes regarding consent, individual and ancestral memory, and spiritual belief systems.

Healing Through Understanding

To heal is to confront the truth about the wounds we carry and the systems and relationships that perpetuate them. It involves taking a hard look at who we are and accepting responsibility for our actions, even though we’re in pain.

My healing journey from complex PTSD, rooted in childhood trauma and a string of abusive relationships, has taught me my personality disorder (BPD) is a by-product of developmental, moral, and narcissistic abuse. These insidious forces thrive in silence and ignorance, binding us to cycles of victimhood.

Healing is a rebellion.

It is the courageous act of reclaiming our voice, our agency, and our power. It begins with understanding the abuse and extends to rejecting the roles we’re forced to play. Having borderline personality disorder does not ultimately define who I am. I’m taking back my agency, admitting my mistakes, and acting with intention, moving forward to a healthier and happier life.

The Healing Rebel sends a call to rise—not just for ourselves, but for all who are voiceless.

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